i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
