Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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