just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
