After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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