My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize