My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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