the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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