I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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