He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
