What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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