Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
