Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
