I got chris browned last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
