Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
