I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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