i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
