I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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