I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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