worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
