All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
