Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
