you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
