Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
BRING THE BAGELS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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