They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
