wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
