I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
