There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
