Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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