No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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