The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
