My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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