it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
