ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
