So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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