mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
