So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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