im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
