We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
