She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
