do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
