my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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