Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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