Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
