shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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