Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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