I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
