bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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