i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
