I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize