I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
