Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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