Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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