So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
