guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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