garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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