I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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