I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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