when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
