I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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