her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
