Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
