so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
