As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
