My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
