He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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