Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
