you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
