Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
