Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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