Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
