I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
