so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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