I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
