bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it glows. i had to have it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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