My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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